You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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