finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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