I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
