i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
