I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
