Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
