Soap is not a condiment
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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