I'm lost and stupid without you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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