last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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