Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
