meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position