yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.