why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.