Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

(703): View more from Virginia

It's the American dream

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(202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb

Replies (31) Good night (4390) Bad night (948)
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(281): View more from Texas

Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him

(1-281): View more from Texas

college has opened so many doors for you

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(281): Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him (1-281): college has opened so many doors for you http://tfl.nu/e6am

Replies (44) Good night (4607) Bad night (955)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

We need to talk about our relationship.

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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(575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4

Replies (20) Good night (9219) Bad night (1639)
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(540): View more from Virginia

there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber

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(540): there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber http://tfl.nu/88lc

Replies (10) Good night (3825) Bad night (1320)
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(212): View more from New York

My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.

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(212): My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing. http://tfl.nu/8vqg

Replies (3) Good night (2933) Bad night (1037)
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(219): View more from Indiana

I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal

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(219): I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal http://tfl.nu/2jng

Replies (5) Good night (2012) Bad night (850)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.

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(314): I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property. http://tfl.nu/21gv

Replies (3) Good night (1408) Bad night (675)
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(407): View more from Florida

Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around

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(407): Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around http://tfl.nu/jysb

Replies (5) Good night (976) Bad night (1459)
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(586): View more from Michigan

We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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(586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2

Replies (2) Good night (1922) Bad night (818)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?

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(505): did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy? http://tfl.nu/wq3k

Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (583)
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(509): View more from Washington

You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.

(1-509): View more from Washington

Yes talking about pockets is classic me.

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(509): You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away. (1-509): Yes talking about pockets is classic me. http://tfl.nu/k75f

Replies (0) Good night (1171) Bad night (465)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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(702): Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE. http://tfl.nu/l3z1

Replies (8) Good night (1305) Bad night (589)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge

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(610): we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge http://tfl.nu/izh2

Replies (1) Good night (1000) Bad night (467)
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(206): View more from Washington

I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience

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(206): I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience http://tfl.nu/vnn7

Replies (1) Good night (267) Bad night (388)
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(941): View more from Florida

He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.

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(941): He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done. http://tfl.nu/raso

Replies (1) Good night (41) Bad night (113)

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