as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
