Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
