Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
