Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
