Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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