so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
