we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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