i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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