drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
