I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
