I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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