yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
