white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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