You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
