just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
