Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
