i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
