You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
