You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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