I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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