hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
