He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
