I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
