Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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