there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
