I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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