ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
