How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
