Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
