i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
