But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
