proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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