When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
