Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
