She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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