well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, beer. Big fan.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
