I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
