It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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