:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Someone signed my nipple.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize