Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
