you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
soo... how was my night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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