i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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