I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
