I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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