We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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