you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
