he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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