Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
