After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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