I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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