He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
