Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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