I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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