He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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