I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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