I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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