I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
