Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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