Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
