I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
